[theme music]
TOBY NARRATING: Hi, I'm Toby.
I'm just a regular student.
Well, I was before I got zapped.
Now I'm some kind of science genius.
The only problem is Elizabeth is, too.
[theme music]
[roar]
MR. WOODS (OFFSCREEN): The humble frog,
zoological class, amphibian.
No stranger to any of us.
So simple.
Yet, it can teach us so much.
Your assignment is to observe and note the behavior of your
frog for a week.
Each is at a different stage of it's development.
And it is your job to chart these developments.
Now, get to know your frogs.
-Ew, do I have to touch it?
TOBY (OFFSCREEN): Oh, don't worry, Nik.
I'll do the touching.
You just do the chatting.
-Thanks, Toby.
That's so sweet.
You've really changed since we've been together.
-Yeah, for the better?
-Mmm, definitely.
You've grown or something.
-Like a tadpole into a frog.
[chuckling]
-Oh, please.
[chuckling]
-You know, we've been together two months now.
You know that?
-We should do something to celebrate.
-Sure.
[ribbit]
-What do you want to do?
[ribbit]
-I wanna do whatever you wanna do.
[school bell rings]
-Right.
-Sickening, isn't he?
-I'll say.
Oh, it's you.
Come on, Verity.
TOBY (OFFSCREEN): Whatever you want is all right with me.
-Well, whatever you want is all right with me, too.
[chuckling]
TOBY (OFFSCREEN): Cool.
We could go to the cafe.
NIKKI (OFFSCREEN): I work at the cafe, and we're
always at the cafe.
TOBY (OFFSCREEN): OK.
Bad idea.
NIKKI (OFFSCREEN): No.
-I know exactly how to break them up, ya know.
I can put an end to that puking, juicy
romance in a day.
Interested?
-I might be.
-My parents are really protective of Nikki,
especially Dad.
I can set it up so they meet Toby, and he looks bad.
They'll order her to stop seeing him,
and she always listens.
NIKKI (OFFSCREEN): Yeah, it's a date.
-What do you get out of it?
-You tell me exactly how you and Toby got your powers.
Deal?
-Deal.
-Are you nuts?
You can't trust Jack.
-Who says I do?
-Well, you just agreed to tell him everything.
-So?
Once Jack delivers, I can make up any old rubbish I want.
-Oh, yeah.
Right.
-You and Tobes are so good together.
-Oh.
-No, I mean it.
I used to think he was a real dweeb, but it's like he's
changed since he started going out with you.
-Really?
-Hey, I've got an idea.
Whey don't we close the cafe tonight?
I'll make you a special dinner.
We can invite our friends, Mom and Dad.
It's about time they met Toby anyway.
-No way.
It's too soon.
-Two months is not too soon.
-Look, Jack.
Can you keep a secret?
-You know I can.
-I haven't exactly been honest with Mom and Dad about Toby.
You know what Dad's like.
And they think he's just a friend.
So, no.
It's definitely not the right time.
-I understand.
-Thanks.
[laughing]
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Oh, guys.
I wanted to say I'm sorry.
-What for?
-I was a little out of line with Nikki yesterday.
-Really?
How?
-It was nothing--
-I thought it'd be a great anniversary idea if you came
over and met our folks, but Nikki's worried about
introducing you.
-That's not what I meant.
-You are?
W-- why?
-It's OK, Niks.
All right.
I'm sure Toby, of all people, understands how you feel.
-How do you feel?
-Ah, well, Toby--
I mean, you are a little unusual sometimes.
-Is that what you think?
-No.
-So, what's the problem with me meeting your parents?
-There isn't.
If that's what you want, then--
-Yes, it is what I want.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Well, hey!
No probs!
I'll set it all up.
I'll catch you guys later.
-You don't know my Dad.
When he meets Toby, it'll be--
-You'd better be right.
-And you better pay up.
-You're mad, aren't you?
-Hey, I couldn't be mad at you if I tried.
And don't worry.
I am gonna make sure your parents like me.
-Oh, how could they not like you?
-How can anyone drool over anyone like that?
-Nikki or Toby?
-Toby!
She's reduced him to a sniveling worm, or
an amoeba, or a--
[frog croaking]
-He wants her parents to like him.
I'm gonna make sure they think he's a total freak.
[frog croaking]
RUSSELL (OFFSCREEN): Nikki's dad's a head twister?
-He's a psychologist, Russ.
-Oh, man.
He's a-- he's gonna have you for breakfast.
-I just don't know why Nikki never told me.
-Here, I got these for you.
They're all the Virgil Bailey books from the library.
-"The Adolescent Male.
What Can Go Wrong?" Nikki's dad wrote these?
"Low Self Esteem And How To Beat It." Any others?
-Heaps, but they're all out.
-Fun reading.
-No, I'm telling you.
It's not necessary.
My plan is full proof.
ELIZABETH (ON PHONE): Well, I'm sending a fool to proof
it.
-No, but--
-No buts.
I'm not leaving anything to chance.
All you have to do is let Garth in.
He'll do the rest.
[beep]
-OK, he works like a camera.
You line Toby up like he's taking a photo and click.
The [inaudible] should do the rest.
-Rest of what?
-You'll see.
Now, get going.
You've gotta be in place before Nikki and Toby arrive.
-Can I get some food first.
I missed breakfast, and I'm--
just leaving.
NIKKI (OFFSCREEN): Here.
This is it.
-Whoa!
You never told me you were rich!
-Oh, not rich.
Dad just does OK out of his books.
Come on.
-Hey, hey.
Wait up.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Mom, they're here.
MRS. BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): I'm coming.
-Hey, guys.
-Hey.
MRS. BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): Oh.
Hello.
Darling.
Welcome, Toby.
Nikki's been telling us all about you.
-She has?
-It is a pleasure to meet you.
-Um, same.
-Let's go straight through to the back, all right?
-Wonderful idea.
Come on.
-Oh.
[chuckling]
TOBY (OFFSCREEN): Oh, heh.
MRS. BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): Now, I just want
you to relax, Toby.
And treat our home as your own.
-Uh, thanks.
MRS. BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): Virgil.
This is Toby, Nikki's friend.
-Hello.
Toby.
-Mr. Bailey, it's an honor to meet you.
-Honor.
That's an intriguing choice of words.
-Well, it's--it's, uh, a figure of speech.
-Well, it's interesting you should use a figure of speech,
when speech would've done just fine.
Anyway, let's say we've met for now.
Whether it's an honor or not remains to be seen.
Hah.
[laughing]
-Well, why don't we all go and sit down?
Toby, would you like a drink?
TOBY (OFFSCREEN): Ah, I'd love a drink.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Uh, Mom, leave all
that to me, all right?
VIRGIL BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): So young man, tell me the Toby
Johnson story.
-Uh, how do you mean?
-Well, for example, what do you and Nikki actually have in
common, over and above the same school?
-Pardon?
-How do we know each other?
-Oh,
[chuckle]
-Yeah, we kind of just met, and--
and--
-Uh, Toby's helped me heaps getting used to the new
school, and--
-Ah, it was no big deal.
-Oh, I'm sure it was.
Don't put yourself down, Toby.
VIRGIL BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): Indeed.
False modesty usually means that sometime is
concealing the truth.
What are you hiding, Toby Johnson, hm?
-Dad!
-What?
[doorbell]
-I'll get the door.
-Uh, Virgil?
[chuckling]
-Where have you been?
They're here.
-Look, you got any food?
I'm starving.
-What's all this?
-If Elizabeth wanted us to know, she would've told us.
Now take me somewhere where I can get a clear
line of sight to Toby.
-So Toby, what would you like to be when you grow up?
-Oh, Toby could do anything he put his mind to.
He's so smart.
[chuckling]
-Well, look.
I--I know I'd like to do something different, like
invent a sport or something.
-Invent a sport.
-Or something, yeah.
Or change an old one, like--
like full body contact [inaudible].
Yeah, kids will get into it more that way, you know,
instead of just the old guys.
-Old guys.
You have a problem with authority figures, don't you.
Toby?
-Excuse me?
-Well, look at you and me.
-What do you mean?
-Well, it's all right.
It's perfectly natural, given the situation we're in.
But we're like, um, two lions stalking each other, young and
old, challenging each other for leadership of the pride.
-That's funny.
I thought we were just having lunch.
[chuckle]
JACK (OFFSCREEN): OK, who's ready for entrees?
-Oh.
-Who was that?
-What?
Oh, uh, wrong number.
-But it was the door.
-Yeah, wrong street number.
I'll get the entrees, shall I?
-Roger, red leader.
Red operative in position, over.
Awaiting instructions, over.
-Just zap him.
GARTH (OFFSCREEN): Roger, over.
-And stop saying Roger.
-R--
OK.
[whiirr]
[beep]
[zap]
-Rrrrr.
-I'm sorry, you disagree?
[clearing throat]
-What was that?
-Elizabeth's gadget.
Wanna get me some food?
-Look, that thing is not necessary.
Dad is doing great humiliating Toby as it is.
So why don't you pack your little toy--
-Are you arguing with Elizabeth's plan?
-No.
-Because I know nobody argues with Elizabeth.
Now get me some food!
I feel like my stomach's shrinking.
-Yeah, well you can wait your turn.
-Ah, sick!
Yeah.
ELIZABETH (ON PHONE): OK, Garth, time for another dose.
-Yeah, OK.
MRS. BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): Oh, thank you, Jack, darling.
VIRGIL BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): Thank you, Jack.
[zap]
-I'll have some salad.
-Ah!
-Haha!
-Ew!
-Son, do you plan to stand there like a statute the
entire afternoon?
-Sorry, Dad.
-So Toby, if you don't mine my asking, what
does your father do?
-What?
He--
he breeds rabbits?
-Mmm.
-No.
Dad, he works at the school.
MRS. BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): Oh.
-Well, why couldn't he say that?
Mumbling is a sign of low self-esteem.
What?
-Excuse me.
I've just got to get the next course ready.
[zoom]
ELIZABETH (ON PHONE): This is beautiful.
-Well, if you ask me, it's a little mean,
even by your standards.
-I have very high standards.
Garth?
GARTH (ON PHONE): Hm?
-Zap him again.
-All right.
I'm on it.
[zoom]
[beep]
-Hey.
-Oh, that's just plain rude.
-Dad, Toby's nervous.
That's all.
-Nervous.
How about passive aggressive?
-Oh no!
No.
Oh.
Oh no.
Perfect.
You idiot!
Look what you've done!
-It was an accident.
-What?
You're a greedy pig by accident?
-Well, it's not anything I planned.
-Hey, don't touch that.
That's my mom's special dish.
And she went to a lot of trouble to make it.
-OK, OK.
-And I think Toby's had enough of that frog ray thing.
-Yeah, OK.
-He's stressed out about meeting you.
That's pretty natural.
VIRGIL BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): I have never known of such
rudeness in my whole life.
Do you know, Toby, that outward hunger can indicate
devouring inner greed?
Well?
TOBY (OFFSCREEN): Rrrrrr!
MRS. BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): Toby, all you all right?
You l-- look a little green around the gills.
[groaning]
MRS. BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): Oh, dear.
Oh!
[groaning]
VIRGIL BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): All right, that's it!
Where'd you find this boy?
He's the most dysfunctional person I've ever met!
TOBY (OFFSCREEN): Toby!
[groaning]
[breathing heavily]
-Toby?
Are you all right?
Toby, answer me, please.
Are you OK?
-I've had enough of this.
I want him out of my house and out of your life.
-Maybe we should give him the benefit of the doubt.
-Oh.
-I mean, perhaps Nikki's right, and it is just a bad
case of nerves.
-I know that's what it is.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Look, I understand Dad's side on this.
-What?
Jack!
-Oh, face it, Niks.
Toby's always been weird.
Look, why don't we go outside, finish our lunch, and I'll
handle--
-What is this obsession you have with food?
-I haven't.
All I'm saying is that we shouldn't let
this upset our lunch.
Now let's just sit down, relax.
[gagging]
-I'm fine.
I'm fine.
-There you go.
Much better.
[chuckling]
-I have to see if Toby's all right.
-Sis, no, no, no.
Um, let me do it.
I think Toby needs someone to talk to.
You know, guy to guy.
-Sit down, Nikki.
-Toby.
You OK?
-Yeah.
Your and Elizabeth's plan was a washout, Jack.
Better luck next time.
-I don't know what you're talking about.
-Jack, not only have I put a reverse on this thing.
But I've amped up the power about 100 times.
Now unless you want to spend the rest of your life in a
pond, get out of my way, and let me go finish lunch.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Garth, get out!
Out!
Get out of my house, Garth!
-Toby, all you all right?
-Yeah, I'm fine.
Uh, sorry guys.
Seafood doesn't really agree with me.
-Oh, weak stomach, too.
-I'm sorry, Mr. Bailey.
I'm sorry, Nik.
-Hey, Toby, it's OK.
As long as you're feeling better now.
-I totally do.
-Well, that's good because I've made
my specialty dessert.
Are you up to trying some rolls?
-They're my absolute favorite dessert in the world.
MRS. BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): Wonderful!
I'll go and get them.
[chuckling]
-Um, you know, Mr. Bailey.
Actually, I--
I have read one of your books.
-Oh yes?
TOBY (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.
And I thought it was very--
very--
[scream]
-Look what someone has done.
-How could you do this?
-Huh?
-You had everyone feeling sorry for you.
And the entire time, you were sick from all the rolls.
-I-- look, I--I--I didn't do anything.
-You are forbidden to ever see my daughter again!
You are a complete and utter basket case.
-Me?
What about you?
-What about me?
-Look, no offense, Mr. Bailey.
But you're not exactly normally either.
You enjoy messing with people's heads, but just
because it makes you feel smarter than everybody else.
-Well, yes.
I do happen to have rather a high IQ.
-Sure, but it doesn't mean you can bully people.
-Oh, I see.
Because I have my children's respect, I'm a bully.
Hm?
-Look.
I know they respect you, but guess what.
-What?
-They're scared of you.
-Goh.
-Nikki didn't even want me to meet you.
-That's absurd.
-Oh, face it, Virgil.
The boy is right.
-I'm sorry?
MRS. BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): You should be.
Look at him.
He's a great kid.
And you've done nothing but torment him
since he came in here.
VIRGIL BAILEY (OFFSCREEN): I have done no--
-Shh!
I am talking!
And in case you hadn't noticed, the fish platter was
already ruined when it came out.
And Toby was with us then.
Someone else did--
did this.
Someone who maybe rang the doorbell earlier?
-Elsa, I think you and I--
-You don't think enough, unfortunately.
Now be quiet and go to your room.
-A--
-Go!
Go.
-Yes, Dear.
-You, stop.
[sigh]
-Toby, it has been a pleasure to meet you.
And I am delighted that Nikki chose such a sweet young man.
[chuckle]
-Nikki, I'm sorry I caused such a fuss.
-Hey, you kidding me?
No one's told off my dad like that in years.
If he wasn't so terrified of mom, he'd be unbearable.
-Well, Happy Anniversary.
[chuckle]
[laughing]
TOBY (OFFSCREEN): Hey!
JACK (OFFSCREEN): My plan would've worked, ya know?
But you had to get all fancy.
Now look at them.
-I'd rather not.
JACK (OFFSCREEN): Why do you like him so much anyway?
He doesn't appreciate you.
He never will.
Maybe you should be looking somewhere else.
[theme music]